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  • Writer's pictureAlyssa

Are you struggling to find your real SELF?

Updated: Feb 21


On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are.  But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to "fit in”.  We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us.

But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.

Your relationship with yourself is THE most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.  

That does NOT mean that "if you don't love yourself no one one else can." I never really liked that saying because you deserve to be loved no matter what internal struggles you might have.

But, if you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – meaning YOU – here are a few ideas you might start with to help you rediscover the real you.

Quiet the noise in your head

You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry

cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the vet appt, keep the boss happy.  With all that noise going on, its impossible for you to hear anything other than chaos.  

So, this HAS TO be your first step. But exactly how do you do that?  

You do this, by setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough energy giving activities in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack. Energy giving activities are things that you do that bring you joy and re-energize your soul. If you don't have a good balance you're headed straight for mental and physical burnout.

Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has

something to offer the world.  

Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined --that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking.  

Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts.

Negative Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”

Challenge: “Of COURSE I do things right.  I did (ABC) right.  I did (XYZ) right. THIS time, I just made a mistake.  I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”  

"When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible."–Tina Lifford

Listen to your heart

Sounds easy enough, right, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self.  

It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important.  

Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal

What you’re really after is a feeling -- respect, love, appreciation - as opposed to the company car, or a great guy/girl.  Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them.  

Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.  

A certain person you can know and love ... YOU! ... is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept.  

When you accept your Real Self again, you'll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are.  

Now, that's what you're really looking for, isn't it?

This is exactly why, in my 90-day program, I help you begin the shadow work that seems really scary and can be at times, but doing the work emotionally will help you achieve psychically.

So, if you would like to talk about it, just check out what I do, and fill out an application: , to receive a call back to schedule a free strategy call. You'll walk away with a better understanding of how you can move forward.

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